I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I want to fling myself into the sun
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
