just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
