sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
