Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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