Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Randomize
