I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
