I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
