I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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