Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
