If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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