I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
