So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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