She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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