I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
