K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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