i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
