Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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