she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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