no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
