i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
