It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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