He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
try to milk me bitch
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
