The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
The best revenge is premature balding
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
