I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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