I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
