You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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