then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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