I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
