i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
In America we eat man semen.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
