Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
