I think my fart just growled at me.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
