I bet he comes in French.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You were trust falling into bushes
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
