doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
