Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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