I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
bring money and cleavage
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
