Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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