Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
