thus making me awesome and them whores
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
