My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
These tits shall not be calmed
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