I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
