You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
