WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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