Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
