what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
she woke up with a sticky ear
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
