smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
