Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
