We're facebook friends in real life
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
