seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
