Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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