Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
